Sign of Depression

We may feel sad or depressed at one time or another. Depression may be triggered by disappointment in life, frustration, loss of a loved one, failed marriage or romance, family demands or work pressure and the list goes on.

Through time, healing may take place and lives move on. However, there is a certain group of people where depression has hit them so severely that they no longer could cope with lives….they need treatment.

It commonly begins in people aged between 20 and 40 years, although depression could hit children and older people. Women are twice more likely to be hit by depression and those with family history of depression.

Depression is not something to avoid or feel embarrassed about. It is not a character flaw nor a moral or psychological weakness. By understanding the symptoms and causes of depression will surely help you to be on the look-out for sign of depression in your loved ones.

Symptoms of depression

Sadness or feeling gloomy

Loss of appetite Loss of weight

Loss of interests in activities previously engaged in

Lethargy

Feeling restless

Insommia

Feeling worthless

Feeling guilty

Recurrent thoughts of suicide

Causes of depression

The primary causes of depression are caused by life events such as a loss of job, divorce, loss of a loved one, life threatening or chronic illness, retirement or a combination of these causes. Some believe that social circumstances may play a part such as loneliness, lack of social life. While others accord depression to genetic, psychological or environment factors. The good news is that whatever the cause, depression is treatable.

Help needed?

Go and see a doctor so that diagnosis can be done and treatment can be given. Confide and talk to someone close. Sometimes it is good to have a good cry. Do not set unrealistic goals for yourself Do not compare yourself with others Try to eat a balanced diet

The power of listening

"Your're not listening to me!" We hear this statement more than any other when counselling couples. Not surprising as it is the number-one marriage problem reported by couples. Simply spoken means a breakdown in communication.

Why are we created with two ears and one mouth, does this ratio tell us something. We often think that "good communication skills" as the ability to express ourselves more clearly, getting our message across. However, ninety-eight percent of good communication is listening.

Listening is not passive. It is not sitting back, quietly hearing what our partner has to say, waiting for our turn to talk. Listening is active. It is getting involved with yuor partner's message to fully understand it. The point of active listening is to let your partner know that you are in tune with him or her.

Consider this typical interaction:

Wife: I don't know how to tell Susie. She wanted to ride with us to the ball this weekend and I said okay, but then I remembered I had already invited Tom and Sarah

Husband: Umm

Wife: So what should we do?

Hushand: About what?

Wife: About Susie. there is not enough room for her to ride with us.

Husband: Well, then she can't ride with us...Just call her and tell her.

Wife: I know. I know. But......you don't understand.

Husband: I'm listening.

Is he really? We don't think so. He may be hearing his wife's words, but he is not understanding her feelings. She is not wanting him to solve her problem as much as wanting him to know how lousy she feels. Simply identifying the real message is what listening is all about.

What is one thing you would like your partner to understand about your need to be listened to and understood?

When do you most often want to be listened to by your partner? How do you convey this to him or her?

Do you feel gender differences help or complicate listening?

Stop worrying and start living

Are we worrying too much? Study has shown that about sixty percent of human worries are totally unwanted. Of the remaining portion of worries, twenty percent are about things already past or activities that are beyond our control. Another ten percent are so petty that they don't make much difference at all. Of the remaining ten percent of our worries, only four to five percent are really justifiable.

The daily demands, the concern for our children's well being, our personal struggles are things that we have to contend with.

How many times have we allowed obsessive worry to consume us. Most of our worries are not worth the stress they generate. We must stop worrying and start living. Don't let the poison of worry contaminate your life, your marriage and your career.

Worry is the #1 disorder according to John Edmund Haggai, the author of the classic bestseller "How to win over worry". He said that worry is eating the vitaliy of America. Anxiety disorders - more serious mental problems that spring out of worry - are the nation's most common psychiatric condition. The risk of developing an anxiety disorder is about 25 percent - and double that if you are a woman.

Life throws worries at us from every direction:

Growing up is worrying. Growing up is hard enough by itself - with worries ranging from imagined bears in the bedroom to terrifying bullies at school....

Work is worrying. Worries at work plague many people. Most people have worries at work. Some professions have achieved notoriety for producing stress.....

Being a woman is worrying. A recent national survey of 1,044 American women showed that 56 percent reported experiencing anxiety symptoms and worry for a period of more than six months. More than one in four women reported muscle aches and pains, muscle tension, irritability and being easily fatiqued.....

Having a home and family is worrying. All kinds of domestic respnsibilities bring stress. Parents routinely worry about children experimenting with drugs or getting into bad company.....

Past experiences are worrying. People commonly look back on some past event and worry about it. Something they could have said better. Something they wish they hadn't done....

Getting older is worrying. Older people easily turn into worriers. they feel less in control and more uncertain about the future..........

Worry divides your FEELINGS - causing your emotions to become uneven and volatile.

Worry divides your UNDERSTANDING - making your convictions lose their grounding, sapping you of confidence.

Worry divides your PERCEPTION - meaning you are distracted and often fail to see the whole situation confronting you.

Worry divides your JUDGMENT - making your deisions ill-informed and unreliable.

Worry divides your WILL - producing lethargy and dullying your ability to pursue your goals with dermination.

Worry causes heartbreak, failure, misunderstanding, suspicion, and much unhappiness. And left long enough, this division of the mind can be so severe that you can no longer muster the energy to struggle against your problems. then your mind will do something computers sometimes do - crash.......

The Tender Touch

Touch is one of the most powerful communication tools. From a mother's cradling embrace to a friend's comforting hug or a marriage partner's caress, touch has the special power to send messages of union and communion. Even a momentary and seemingly incidental touch on your partner's shoulder or hand can strengthern the marital bond by conveying affirmation, comfort and security.

Both the toucher and one being touched receive emotional and physiological benefits. Research has shown that a gentle touch or hug can cause a speeding heart to quieten, soaring blood pressure to drop and severe pain to ease. In the same study, it was reported that eight to ten meaninful touches each day help us maintain emotional and physical health.

So consider the value of meaningful touch to your marriage. How often have you "touched" your spouse/partner, your children and even your pets. A touch of encouragement, a touch of love, a touch of affirmation that can go a long way.

* Your Turn

Share with me how you have benefited from a recent touch from your partner.

When do you most often want to be touched?

What is the one thing you would like your partner to understand about you and touching?

You can reach me at rejoice468@yahoo.com

The Extra Mile In Marriage

Most couples know how to walk the first mile. After all, our relationship couldn't survive without it. The first mile is what we know we have to do. It is taking the trash out, preparing dinner, buying gloceries or washing the dishes after dining.

So what is the second mile? We measure out exactly how much is expected of us and we do just that, nothing more. With our hectic lifestyle, work demands and pressure; most of us will do just enough even in the relationship that matters most. So, yes we grumble and take the trash out or whine and make the meal.

The extra mile turns the ordinary into the extraordinary, the expected into the unexpected. You walk the extra mile for your partner when you take the trash out with a smile or prepare a meal with a special touch. The extra mile turns responsibility into oppoturnity. When you are walking the extra mile in marriage your attitude shifts from "have to" to "want to".

Common courtesy is an example of the extra mile in some marriages. It sounds funny, but courtesy isn't that common after a short period of marriage. We take "thank you" and "you're welcome" for granted. We forget to say "please" at the table. Be kind and loving towards one another.

Managing the deadly emotion of anger

Why do we get angry at the person we love the most? Why do we allow ourselves to go angry knowing in advance that we will need to apologise? Why do we raise our voices when it does us no good.

Different people use different means of dealing with anger. Some try to deny it by calling it something else. Others confuse anger with fatigues, nervousness or being uptight. Some may even try to suppress it. Still others try to spiritualize their anger calling it "righteous anger". Unkind words like, "this is the way God made me, you know what I am like so you might as well get used to it, it is all in my genes"

Well, anger is not inherited. How we express it is learned and can be unlearned. Anger begins as a physiological response to a real or imagined threat. The involuntary nervouse goes to work whenever the brain signals that injury is a possibility. Frist, sweat breaks out in the palms of our hands. Then the heart begins to pound twice as hard. The throat gets dry. The pittuitary gland pours adrenaline into the bloodstream, and suddenly the body is ready for battle.

Out of this response can come terrible hehaviour. "In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry".

What is the difference between feeling angry and committing a sin?

What can you do to resolve anger?

How can you and your partner work together to anticipate and deal with it constructively?

An advice for couples is that nothing replaces open communication. Sometimes this hurt, but it is always necessary...these are the key elements in a continual cultivation of intimacy.

My name is Ronnie Ng. I am currently writing a book on cultivating intimacy in marriage, so I started researching in this subject. If you have a problem, concern or something to share with me, please email me at rejoice468@yahoo.com.