You Are Significant

Do you view your life as worthless? Do you think you are insignificant? If so, then you have been betrayed. If you deliberately plan to be less than what you are capable of, you will bring unhappiness to the rest of your life.

Many people have no idea what they were created for. They are aimless in their lives. They are oblivion to the talents they possess.

You were created with a purpose. You were created for achievements. You are meant for greatness. You are “wonderfully made.” Do what you are supposed to do and do it well.

Think about what you want to do. What is your passion? What is your calling? Seize every opportunity and do it well. Do the following:

Get rid of the clutter in your life.
Don’t compare yourself with others.
Be optimistic.
Start something small.
Pursue your goals with passion.
Motivate yourself.

Internet Addiction

"You have no life, you only focus on gaming, putting off everything. The addiction has become all-consuming, raising concerns about the health and well-being of the gamers.
This addiction could be deadly. More and more people are finding themselves spending excessive time on the Internet. This becomes a problem when it interferes with relationships or other areas of everyday life. For example, Internet addiction may be a problem when it interferes with important work or with family activities.

The number of counselling sessions for game addiction has increased tremendously over the last three years. There are already a few cases of gamers dying at their computer terminals in the marathon gaming. Such an obsession will affect your health and upset your lives. posture for more than two hours.
"The energy you consume (while playing) is immense. The degree of concentration and absorption is so great that you lose yourself in that virtual world.

Some research suggests that Internet addiction may actually involve several, more specific addictions, such as addiction to online relationships, to cybersex (online sex), and to online gaming. Internet addiction and the various problems related to it often have damaging effects on intimate relationships, as evidence by increased incidence of “cyber affairs”

As with other types of addiction, Internet addiction is best defined by an inability to cut down on the use despite costly negative consequences.

Warning Signs

Neglecting jobs, family, or friends to spend time on the Internet
Increased defensiveness about the Internet, or lying about amounts of time spent on the Internet
Feeling restless, irritable, or moody when not on the Internet
Difficulty cutting down the amount of time spent on the Internet

Conflict - A Natural Component in Marriage?

Conflict is a natural component of every marriage. No matter how deeply a man and woman love each other, they will encounter conflict. Perhaps the reason may be we are “wired” differently. Some 40% of the newlyweds admitted that they were critical of their mates after marriage. And as much as 30% reported an increase in arguments after their honeymoon.

Whether you argue or not does not determine the health of your marriage. More importantly than how often you argue is how you argue. We must identify those signs in conflict that spell disasters. These signs can gallop into your relationship and danger is imminent. In a continuum from least to most dangerous, these four “elements” are criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling.

Do these characteristics describe your quarrels? Be on the lookout. Criticism, of course, often comes into play in marital spars, but when it leads to contempt – when sarcasm and name-calling enter the picture – you are on a slippery slope.

The risk is that partners may think of a destructive argument as one that resorts to belittling and degrading. When this happens, partners begin to focus on every past sins and failures of their spouse and aggressively whittle away at each other’s dignity. This kind of arguing drives a wedge between couples. The next time they argue, the wedge will be driven farther and relationship made wider.

To avoid the deadly trap of contempt, focus on the issues not the partner’s character. Problems may be about how money is spent, about in-laws, on personal time and so on, argue on these issues and stay away from personality assassination. Stay on the issues!

Conflict is therefore a natural part of building intimacy, so don’t avoid differences. Don’t bury conflicts. Go ahead, “fight” but keep your conflicts restricted to issues that are important and that really matter.

One of the major tasks of marriage is learning what can and should be changed (habits, lifestyle) and what should be overlooked.

Marriage can be pictured as walking through life hand in hand trying to keep in step with each other. It is not easy to learn to walk in step. Several things happen when we are trying to walk in step. When one takes a step in a different direction, we are drawn up short and have to decide what has happened. Which way to go? Who decides? Staying in step could be trying and tiring but it is a commitment based on the belief that we make adjustments along the way as we walk together.

What have been your models for resolving conflicts? How do you handle difficult issues? What roles you play and how you can learn from the strengths of your partner?

For comments/feedback, write to me at rejoice468@yahoo.com

Roots that go deep down

“…Blessed are those who trust in the Lord…They are like trees planted along a river bank with roots that reach deep into the water”…Jeremiah 17:7-8

It is said that the roots of some vines go down as much as thirty or forty feet to reach the water table. Do we rely on friends to provide our spiritual nourishment or do we rely on the Holy Spirit. A Christian can develop roots that go deep down into God through daily devotion and medication on His word, through prayer and continuous dependence on the Holy Spirit.

We are unable to bear fruit if our roots draw only from the surface waters. Our roots must grow deep down, the more the roots go down, the more fruit will be produced above ground.

We must avail ourselves of the divine resources, and that involves developing certain habits and cultivating certain practices.

In the book of Acts (Acts 2:42), notice the words “they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching”. If the conversion is the first step of a Christian walk, then cultivation is the second. Many Christians started well but soon lost the enthusiasm. They fail to draw from God’s resources. We become impoverished, not necessary because of a sinful lifestyle, but because they neglect to put into operation a few basic practices that would help stimulate the growth of their spiritual roots.


Relating to family life

Relationship must first be deeply rooted. It should not be swayed nor disturbed by life’s circumstances. “Deeply rooted” means seeking to know your partner better, responding well with each other. Be devoted to one another through commitment and responsibility daily. Rid yourself of things that are affecting your relationship.

Encourage one another. Draw from each other’s experience. Do things that will stimulate your growth.

Improving Relationship

Harsh statements often evoke strong negative responses. It could become a problem in itself as the pattern – one negative response after another = can be hard to break. If you want a successful marriage, this pattern must be broken. Every time we hear a harsh comment from our partner, we have the option of responding harshly or attempt to “repair” .the situation

Instead of saying, “You lazy bum. You haven’t been doing any dishes. The way you are really disgusts me!” you can say, “I am concerned that the dirty dishes are piling up, is there a problem?” This is much less likely to provoke an angry response. Even if the response is a lame excuse, you are still talking about it rather than fighting about it, so you can still focus on the issue of getting the dishes washed as opposed to getting sidetracked into a fight that leaves each of you unhappy.

Couples who are successful in their marriage routinely make repair attempts. They establish their marriage based on a deep friendship.

These couples are determined to pay the price for a successful marriage. They realize that good things in marriage don't happen without the efforts of both partners. They are likely to view marriage more as a "covenant" than a "contract," thus they take their marital vows more seriously. Their relationship becomes their highest priority; they make the time needed to keep it strong. They work together unselfishly in building a relationship that will meet, as far as possible, the needs of both partners. They are willing to make all possible changes for the good of the marriage. Couples who stay together do what's necessary to make the marriage a happy one. They find out what brings their partner happiness and then do it often.

Sometimes couples commit to one another only so long as they have feelings of love for one another. However, love feelings come and go. Some days we love everyone. On other days, we may not like anyone, including our spouse. If a commitment is based only on love feelings, than the commitment isn't worth very much. Couples must realize that while love brought them together, commitment to one another (even at times when they don't "like" one another) keeps them together.

A sense of commitment to one another can come from renewing your marriage vows. A wedding anniversary may be a good time to do this. You may choose to invite a few friends to witness the event and have an informal reception after.

Good communication in marriage includes honest sharing of feelings, accurately sending and receiving messages, and empathy. Couples must talk to each other more often, talk about personal topics more often, spend less time in conflict, and show greater understanding and sensitivity to each other's feelings. They keep communication channels open and pay attention to nonverbal messages.

Disagreements and arguments crop up in even the best relationships. It's how conflict is handled that is the key to marital success or failure. Couples must make use of the differences and disagreements and use them to actually strengthen their relationship