Harsh statements often evoke strong negative responses. It could become a problem in itself as the pattern – one negative response after another = can be hard to break. If you want a successful marriage, this pattern must be broken. Every time we hear a harsh comment from our partner, we have the option of responding harshly or attempt to “repair” .the situation
Instead of saying, “You lazy bum. You haven’t been doing any dishes. The way you are really disgusts me!” you can say, “I am concerned that the dirty dishes are piling up, is there a problem?” This is much less likely to provoke an angry response. Even if the response is a lame excuse, you are still talking about it rather than fighting about it, so you can still focus on the issue of getting the dishes washed as opposed to getting sidetracked into a fight that leaves each of you unhappy.
Couples who are successful in their marriage routinely make repair attempts. They establish their marriage based on a deep friendship.
These couples are determined to pay the price for a successful marriage. They realize that good things in marriage don't happen without the efforts of both partners. They are likely to view marriage more as a "covenant" than a "contract," thus they take their marital vows more seriously. Their relationship becomes their highest priority; they make the time needed to keep it strong. They work together unselfishly in building a relationship that will meet, as far as possible, the needs of both partners. They are willing to make all possible changes for the good of the marriage. Couples who stay together do what's necessary to make the marriage a happy one. They find out what brings their partner happiness and then do it often.
Sometimes couples commit to one another only so long as they have feelings of love for one another. However, love feelings come and go. Some days we love everyone. On other days, we may not like anyone, including our spouse. If a commitment is based only on love feelings, than the commitment isn't worth very much. Couples must realize that while love brought them together, commitment to one another (even at times when they don't "like" one another) keeps them together.
A sense of commitment to one another can come from renewing your marriage vows. A wedding anniversary may be a good time to do this. You may choose to invite a few friends to witness the event and have an informal reception after.
Good communication in marriage includes honest sharing of feelings, accurately sending and receiving messages, and empathy. Couples must talk to each other more often, talk about personal topics more often, spend less time in conflict, and show greater understanding and sensitivity to each other's feelings. They keep communication channels open and pay attention to nonverbal messages.
Disagreements and arguments crop up in even the best relationships. It's how conflict is handled that is the key to marital success or failure. Couples must make use of the differences and disagreements and use them to actually strengthen their relationship
