Forgiveness is never easy. It is really the struggle of the heart. Even more difficult is to initiatiate, either to ask for forgiveness or to tell someone that you have forgiven him/her for the wrong done to you.How could we forgive someone who has abused us, a spouse who has cheated, and the boss who humiliated us. How could we come to terms with the sufferings and humiliation?
So what exactly is forgiveness?
Forgiveness is admitting that I am human
Phillip Yancey wrote: "Forgiveness is another way of admitting, 'I'm human, I make mistakes, I want to be granted that privilege and so I grant you that privilege.' "
Forgiveness cancels a debt someone owes us and restores relationship. It is the only solution in a world ridden with sin and evil to help us start over with people and with God.
Forgiveness is not forgetting.
We have often heard of the phrase “forgive and forget”. I must say that to forgive is difficult and to forget is even more difficult. Once we have experienced the healing power of forgiveness, we will never forget the release we feel in our souls. Through forgiving, we’re able to forget “what lies behind” and reach forward to “what lies ahead” (Philippians 3:13), which involves letting go of the pain and being freed from hatred, fear and bitterness. We remember those painful circumstances in a way that gives us hope for the future. True forgiveness gives us back our lives
Forgiveness is a choice
We can make the choice to forgive. Unless and until we forgive, we will be trapped in our thoughts. We be locked up in our cage. The endless rage, resentment, guilt and anger will drain the life out of you. When Corrie Ten Boom extended her hand to the former Nazi officer who abused her and her sister during their imprisonment, she did it choosing to follow Christ versus her feelings. Paul writes in Eph 4:31-32 "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."NIV
Forgiveness brings about healing
Forgiveness is an act of mercy which brings about healing to our inner being. The moment we let go, our hatred, anger and resentment will be gone. There is a special connection between forgiveness and freedom. It brings about such release as majestic as setting the captives free or delivering from the evil spirits.
Forgiveness is not an emotion
Forgiveness is not an action we take without agony of the soul. It is never easy to forgive. Forgiveness begins as a decision to trust God, rather than a desire or feeling of wanting to be close to the person who has offended me. My emotions toward the person may be completely antagonistic, but that doesn’t affect my decision about forgiving that person.
Forgiveness is a process
Forgiveness is a process. The moment you forgive, the process begins but that does not mean that you will instantly feel the freedom of complete forgiveness. It may take years to experience the full freedom of forgiveness. I compare forgiveness to peeling layers off an onion. You can dig deeply and take off many layers at once, but there are lots of thin layers as well, which makes forgiveness a process of patiently addressing the issues that come up.
Committing to the process means admitting that we are powerless to forgive on your own, but we are willing to begin, knowing it may take years before we can feel the complete release of God’s work of forgiveness in our heart.
Forgiveness is a decision
No one can force us to forgive, and no one can keep us from forgiving. Forgiveness is a decision to trust not our own instincts but the voice of God. When I’ve decided to forgive, it wasn’t because the offender asked me to do so or even acted in a way that created a desire in me to forgive. I forgave because I trusted that God loves me and that He would never tell me to do something that wasn’t good for me.
Forgiveness is desiring reconciliation
As forgiveness does its work, you move from being an obsessed, embittered person to a willing agent of God’s love. The reconciliation that you desire is evidence of the changes going on in your heart through forgiveness. Perhaps the person we’re forgiving and seeking reconciliation with doesn’t see things the same way we do. But for reconciliation to take place, there must be openness in the hearts of both parties to admit wrong and come to a mutual understanding
