My Unhappiness is Someone Else's Fault (by Janet Daughtry, MDiv, Certified Life Coach)

This is the lie that says that someone else or some external situation is responsible for my unhappiness. It is the lie that says I am not responsible in any way for my own unhappiness or misery. It is someone else's fault. It is the lie that says I have no choice in the matter. It's really the ultimate blame game and its' not a good way to live!

Well, what is wrong with this picture? The problem with this false belief is that as long as someone else is the reason I am unhappy, I don't have to take personal responsibility for my life. I don't have to take ownership of my life. I can move out of the driver's seat to the"victim" seat.

Whoa is me! What I have really done is handed over my emotional well being to someone else. After all it's not my fault- right? It may be easy to blame something or someone else for my situation but it certainly isn't any way to have any joy or live the abundant life God wants me to live. The bottom line is I really do have a choice! When I come to that realization, its liberating!!!

No one can have that much power over me unless I give it to them. Plain and simple! Healthy and mature people take personal responsibility for theirchoices and their emotions! I like the way Dr. WilliamBackus, a Christian psychologist, expresses it in his book"Telling Yourself the Truth. "People don't make you angry, sad, sick, etc. - you allow yourself to be angry, sad, sick, or whatever the negative feelings you are experiencing. Indulging in temper tantrums is learned behavior. You learned how to throw temper tantrums and you can learn to stop." Amen to that! So if the choice is yours that no one else can make you unhappy unless you allow them to, then I believe it is also true that no one else can ultimately make you happy either. That responsibility is also yours. It's a choice you make! You can choose to be happy regardless of circumstances or the people around you. Your lack of happiness is not someone else's fault! When we realize that we are in thedriver's seat, that we do have choices and are notpowerless in life, life can really be exciting. We can geta new sense of ownership about life and with that does comegreater joy and greater contentment!

Be Affectionate to One Another

In many parts of the Christian community, the level of relationship as a 'family' is sadly missing. It is unfortunate that people attend church week after week and hardly know the people they regularly sit next to in the church services. Life has become so busy with natural concerns that most believers suffer from a severe deficiency of relationships with their fellow believers. His plan was and still is to have people who demonstrate His covenant nature in their relationships with one another.

The apostle Paul talks about these types of covenant relationships in Romans 12:10 when he says, "Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another." This phrase expresses the idea of a love between friends that is authentic, sincere, tender and warm. It represents two or more friends who love each other just as deeply as if they were members of the same family.

The word "preferring" means to esteem, to admire, to highly respect, to value very highly. It represents the attitude of a person who values a friend so highly that he deeply desires the very best to come to pass for his friend - even if it means that his friend is blessed at his own expense. This means there is no room for jealousy or competition where this kind of love abounds.

Do you have these kinds of relationships in the Christian community? If so, you could count yourself very blessed, for the lives of many believers are vacant of such relationships. This is all the more reason to make sure you take the time to really express to these people whom you love as family just how deeply you love them.

Prayer & Supplication

In Ephesians 6:18, Paul talks about the spiritual armour, "Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit..."

The spear and lances used by the Roman army varied greatly in size, shape and length. These weapons were devised to be used to attack an enemy from a distance. They were thrown with great force and hurled to strike an enemy from afar. As they were thrown at different distances, they came in all sizes and shapes. The particular lance chosen by a soldier depended on how it was to be used.

By revelation, Paul begins to compare these various lances to the various kinds of prayer God has made available to us. This is why he said, "Praying always, with all prayer and supplication..." When a believer uses prayer, it becomes a lance that can be thrown forth into the spirit realm against the works of the adversary. By forcibly hurling this divine instrument of prayer into the face of the enemy, a believer can exert great spiritual power, literally attacking the devil from a distance in order to stop major obstacles from developing up close in his personal life.

Don't wrongly assume that all prayer is of the same kind. Just as Roman soldiers used all kinds of lances in battle, Paul lets us know that there are many forms of prayer. For example, there is a prayer of faith, the prayer of agreement, the prayer of intercession, the prayer of supplication, the prayer of petitition, the prayer of consecration, the prayer of thanksgiving, united prayer and so forth.

Paul instructs us to use every form of prayer that has been available to us as it is needed. No one kind of prayer is better than the others; each serves a different and necessary purpose in the life of faith.

Never forget that prayer is a vital piece of your spiritual weaponry. If you neglect this strategic piece of weaponry, you will find that the enemy keeps attacking you from up close. But as you learn to pray with authority, you will develop the ability to strike the enemy from a distance and therefore maintain a victorious position in life.

God has placed the lance of prayer at your disposal, so you can be assured of absolute and total victory.