How to cope with grief

Grief may not affect everyone, but it will affect us nonetheless at a point in time. Grief comes to us. It is part of being mortal. Many people have struggled when grief hits them. While there is nothing wrong with grieving, many people however have undergone long period of grieving, sometimes lasting for months or years.

I believe many of us have experienced grief when someone close to us has been taken away either through illness or accident. Do not evade the process of grieving. It is a natural part of life.

Since grief will have its part on our life on earth, we must learn about its nature and how to handle it. Do not try to avoid grief, however me must ensure that it should not stay longer than warranted. Grief has to be faced, but it must not be “nursed”.

The write C.S.Lewis describes in his book “A Grief Observed” the devastation he felt when his wife, Joy died with cancer. His openness has encouraged many when caught in the throes of grief. So overwhelmed was he by his grief that God seemed far away. Eventually Lewis recovered from his inconsolable grief.

How then can we work through grief and prevent it from crippling our life? Realize that a loss of a loved one will inevitably produce grief. Accept the fact and don’t blame anyone or even God. Come to terms with it quickly and forget about it. Do not dwell in self-pity. Response to the grief but recover from it quickly.

The Stage Of Our Life

Whichever stage of life we are at now, whether it be youth, middle age, or what often described as “golden years”, each of these periods of life brings its own challenges and many of us find it difficult to adjust to the process of change.

The young who refuse to look ahead in life and prepare for when they get older, the elderly who refuse to adjust to the fact that they are getting older and are always sighing to be young again. And there is another group of people who seem indifference.

To the young, may I encourage you to take up a keen interest in developing your potential, your character as you do to the development of your physical body. Intelligence can get you to the top but only character and integrity can keep you there. Find a worthy cause and pursue it diligently. Learn to serve by helping others in the community. It could be working with youngsters who are handicapped, visiting elderly people or helping the less privileged. Set goals for yourself and stay focused.

Do not be impatient even if you cannot produce the change overnight. Persevere and it will build up your character. Do the little things well and you will be entrusted with greater things.

To the middle age, this is where most of us would have settled down – and decay. Overcome inertia or lethargy by establishing new goals and go for them. It is also during this phase that baldness, bifocals and bulges set in. Exercise regularly to keep fit. Be alert as regards to sex. Many in this age group have “fallen”. They are drawn into affairs. The desire to be attractive to someone, especially when they feel that their partners are no longer attracted to them.

These usually happened when their children get married and leave home. Worsened by the fact that the couples are not communicating. This may lead to what I call “an empty nest syndrome - a feeling of being bored, driving many a man and woman to the edge of despair. Take up a case outside home, a worthwhile community project, join an interest group, enroll in a course and upgrade yourself, serve someone, help someone whenever you can.

To those who are in their “golden years”. Accept the fact that you are getting older. You cannot be fifty any longer, but you can make seventy or eighty just as profitable. Each additional age will bring about its own rewards. You will realize that you know things that you wouldn’t know when you were younger, say fifty.

Be engaged. Keep yourself busy. Do not stay idle nor doing anything. Many famous people did not even start to make an impact on the world until they were in the middle or older years.

Do not dominate your children and interfere with their lives. Just avail yourself for their advice and guidance. Unwanted interference will bring friction. Avoid it at all costs.

Are you changing?

Human beings change from time to time. Inanimate objects like clothes, houses or buildings do not have the ability to change. They grow out of style and taste and become unusable. Human beings on the other hand can change at any point in time regardless of age. Change does not mean the opposite or reversal. In reality, most of the times, it means to adjust or add on.

There are three things that we know about the future: 1) It is not going to be the same as the past, 2) it may not be the same as we think, and 3) the rate of change will take place faster than we expect. Pessimists always look on the dark side of life. They focus on the problems and difficulties. They could hardly see the options or solutions to life's problem. On the other hand, idealists tend to oversimplify the solutions. Everything is fine. Don't worry.

The real key for all of us is balance. see it in the right perspective. Welcome changes. The future belongs to those who are prepared for it. The future does not have to overwhelm or scare us. Certainly, there will be challenges and difficulties, but we are going to meet it head-on.

Some people never move ahead because they are prisoners of past failures. They are afraid of making decisions or commitments. They are afraid of changes. My advice is learn from the past, live in the present and have hope for the future.

The key to effective living is learning to live in the present, adapting with the changes. Even the most precious of all gems needs to be chiseled and faceted to achieve its best luster. There is nothing on mother earth that remains so constant. Don't end up like concrete, all mixed up and permanently set.